Sadness filled my heart as I read about the innocent lost lives due to bombings.
"What for?" I kept asking each time horrible acts like these happened, finding myself thankful at the same time.

As I move on trying to perk myself up,I find it a lil' difficult but worthy.
I still wish that I can find someone who could connect with me and let me relate easily in words and feels.
I wish that I can express myself as well as I do here.
I just find the words so choking each time and I find no strength and courage to bring them out each time.

You like me when I am in a good,cute and giggly mood.

I find it hard to accept that we dont seem to connect well each time I feel unlikewise.

Sometimes it is not the question of equity but perhaps equlibrium or balancing.

Should we find a way to enter each other's world when the sun is not there?

Did a whole clearingout during the day and my fav is the nap after flipping some comics and not long after lunch.
Sunday rest is nothing but much unhealthy and it suits my nature well.

I've been thinking...How do people face the world with endless optimism?
Could it be a facade or it is the never-say-die effort they put in?
Does it involves daily chores say the effort to dress well so you might feel good,eating right so that you might feel better(& less fat) and really start picking up lil' interests.

"this world is only gonna break your heart" - chris isaak,'wicked games'

A quote I saw while I was blog hopping just now.
I dunno where it's from and who Chris Issak is(Pardon my ignorance) but it's seemly a fine quote.

Anyway I will still face what I will for the week ahead and perhaps for a long time still.

I wish things would be better and I gotta start things first.

I am a lil weary but I just need two 'things'.

1)An engine to keep me driving.
2)A stop for me to rest.

I love my own version of Vocalno Ramen.
It's those kinda instant Korean noodles but I added alot of I-dunno-where-it's-from chilli paste in.
The chilli oil coats the noodle red and made the soup ultra spicy and it is so mind driven crazy when it is so hot and spicy. When the heat went down, all it left is the msg soup that because of of the chilli paste,made it salty but good.

There's only one drawback from this dish.- Unhealthy.

I guess the best way to spend the rest of Sun-day is to lie on my bed and read comics.

That's the life I dig

This could be the end of everything..So why dont we go..Somewhere only we know.

Hearing that song, I just cant wait to see The Lake House.

I wish life could be more romantic like the movies.
I just feel so disgrunted yet helpless whenever I thought how life is gonna be so typical,so predictable.

I shall leave the below log that explains how I feel:



Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceWithout horrible weather,stupid pple and bosses,we would have been happier people says:
how would u make me happier?

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
hey dear...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
umm..mm

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
was in the living rm just now...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
mm

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
feeling tired?

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
blank...n kinda sad


I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
hhmmm...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
it's those kinda mood eh?

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i just want something special...like the backgrd now

Transfer of shared background is complete.

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
hhmmm...it's beautiful...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
would i ever have something so beautful in my life...]

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
yes...u will...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
have u ever tot of life being those kinda romance movies?

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
i dunno when...but i'm sure u will...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
ya...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
something miracle..yet so special..and romantic..

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
definetely...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
even if its a short while..ur whole life is worth it

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
u know e now and forever movie...?

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
mm

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
i just wanna do all those things the guy do to u...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
but it all takes loads of money...hahaha...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
haiz...i'm e kinda guy,where all my romantic juices oozes out when i have money...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
seem to lose all those when i'm broke...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
or maybe all my ideas involves costs...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
its hard not to be practical but does romance in real life really needs money to work

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
its hard for gals who long for a fairytale to believe in that though it is often necessary,i admit

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i just felt that i am only young this once...i hate to think that my life is gonna be so typical of the rest of the stories as years goes by

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
marraige,kids and spending the whole of ur life for the kids...reach old age..n ta

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i felt so helpless when nothing special is happening to me now while my life's at the peak and it shld be worthliving for

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
or maybe i aint doing anything to make things happen

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
dont be silly...this probably means the peak of ur life hasn't arrive...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
but we never know when is. if this isnt..when could be? when our lives just become the rest of others

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
trust me...u don't know when ur peak will be...and when it comes, u will be able to feel it, and noth can resist that feeling of being at the peak...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
when age is catching up with us?iam so afraid...that when it is the end, I realised my life is so pathetically plain.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
what if

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
life is just gonna be like this. you work and work. you get married. you work and work. you have kids. you still work and work. and you become like your own parents...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
that's y i thought that they (my parents) didnt want a life like this either

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
well...at least i see us being spunkier parents to say the least...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
who doesnt wish to enjoy?

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
yet they are still working for us..for this family..i feel so helpless..so their lives are gonna stuck this way?

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
and what if mine is just no better

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
this life seems wasted..to me

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
that u will be worrying too much le...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
imagine...if ur parents are already happily retired by now, would u still have such fears and worry?

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
it's just an example that u see that is close to u...life wont all end up like this dear...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
so fact is they arent happily retired.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
and even if they are..they probably spent the whole load of their life slogging..

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
they are diff abby...remember, we come from 2 diff eras and generations...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
when u r old..u probably dun feel the need to go out to enjoy..but would be at peace when everything is smooth at this moment

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
they,when s'pore is still struggling and developing...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
this generation's probably even moretough

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
and us,e developed and advanced s'pore...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
that's not the whole point

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
it's not the era im talking about

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
obviously is harder for them all the way down the road..

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
i know what u mean...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
look atme..I felt i have been livning emptily!

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
but i just want u to look at it in perspective...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i dun want this!

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
I dun want to live emptily and follow what I shld do as years goes by

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
I want something special!

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
I want to do something of my own will!

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
I want to feel like I am living..not just stay within the box and doing what I shld be doing for my age,for my situation..for myself or others

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
There ought to be something...something special thatcould happen to everyone that makes their lives worth while.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
Success,wealth,fame,love..

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
any of each..even if it doesnt last

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
it is that momentum..that moment of spark when it happen..that makes you know you are living and at least you have something worthy to tell others

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
not just like now...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
life could be safe.i should be thankful.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
but..something empty gnaws everytime

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
hiaz...e more i wanna motivate u,e more de-motivated i become...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
dear...up above,he has destined smth special for us...if u haven't felt urs,it just meant it hasn't come...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
just satisfyingly move along...and when that moment comes,u will definitely enjoy it more...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
the last thing u need is to sink into those depression moods agian...trust me, all those gd things that are bound ur way will be chased away by passimism...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
jsut bide ur time and await their arrival...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i dunno..maybe I am just impatient.Maybe I dun wanna wait cos' we never know what happens the next min and it could be scary.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
I really wish..

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
something special..or that peak of life would happen to everyone and not just some of us are left out...living a plain sail life.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
cos' some I understand you gotta make your own efforts..and God knows how lazy I am.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
I knew I had myself to blame that it is too of my own laziness that my life could be nothing 'special'

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
then let not laziness be a bane that rob u of that something special...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
u need to start buckling up!

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
but i guess the thing is that u dont see any indication for u to be motivated to...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i guess so too.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
indication...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
what do i want

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
it is still a question mark,shame to say

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
then ask urself...what u want...?

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
a car?a comfy house?a gd european holiday?

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
it's just as simple as that...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
that's how i motivate myself to...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
actually those are quite tangible n monetary..those u state

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
im actually talking more of...what do u wanna do in life that u cld be happy

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
a european holiday is one...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
it's monetary...but it's intangible...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
it's a feeling...enjoyment..

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i dunno..though it cld be one

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
but when i tot of that..it has nothing to do with what i wanna do..it will only makes me think how gd it wld be if i am there for gd

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
no other agenda

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
alamak...*slap on the forehea

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
ha..u see..i only wish for those kinda thing that I do will feel happy and no stress..

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
but i am stuck in a place whereby you must work to survive each day

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
when i was younger..i often wish i am just those kinda english country gal..living in a small cottage

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i need not be rich but i would be happy

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
and life is beautiful so is the world

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
and someday...someone beautiful will complete my world

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i know it is all lil gal's dream.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i know..here in Singapore..it wont happen

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
sigh...thats y i havent felt im livng...cos there's nothing i want.

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
=(

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
lil gal's dream

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i guess that's y im so coward sometimes...cos the more i face the world now..the more detached i feel

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i wish i have a pool of optimisim inside me.

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
matter of factly..i am really not..as much as I pretended and try to be

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
.....

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
i badly feel that i'm useless...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
haiz...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
sigh..

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
sometimes...thats y i hate to bring it out...bring my tots out

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
it doesnt help myself nor anyone

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
no...i guess u at least feel abit better now...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
then to keep it all inside...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
and at least i get a peek at ur desires and thoughts...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
dun worry...

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
i guess i can somehow push myself back to work..even though this is not i wanted but there's no point pushing it or failing it either..

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
just that i felt..the more i do, the more breaks i need

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
maybe i just need some angels

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
angels' talks

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
im zzz le..

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
good night.=)

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
ok...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
gd nite dear...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
slp well wor...

I'm so proud of the way you fought, before u went down,dear Ah Gong...I miss you... Wong Ban Xiong 1932-2006 says:
byeee........

Solitaire C8tSolitude's by choiceThis could be the end of everything..So why dont we go somewhere only we know? says:
byeee..

This has been a safe week.
When it's time to knock off everyday, I experienced deja-vu.
Everyday's just like yesterday.
Force myself to wake up,work,laugh,lunch,work,stress(Adrenaline & wrinkles catalyst),work,laugh,knock off.
I dunno if I should be content or just more aggressive with life?

Being content is not a bad thing but something's missing.
Being aggressive on the other hand is not a good thing as well cos' you would miss out something that's here all along.

Sometimes I dunno what I am waiting.
I ought to have a goal or a plan but heck, I hate plans. I love to be spontaneous. The only plan I love to come out to is how to have a good Saturday/Sunday..sometimes.
Plus I know it is difficult for an undisciplined self to keep to plans & resolutions.(which I think is just wasting time to act youthful anyway)

I had a dream 2 nights ago.
I dreamt I was back to poly and there I was telling myself that studying in poly is really the best after working outside.
I miss those days whereby time is so flexible and life is just so good despite the tight deadlines of projects & exams. At least you are not alone and you know there will be good life after all the projects.
I even disliked holidays then.That's really boring.

Not that I dont want to move on but I am scare to move on.
The more you move, the more you are distanced from the good o' times.

I always hate to think of the times when I'm finally old and my family is not here anymore.
Face it, this life.
One day I wont be here and God knows where we are, if there's any left of us.

Initial plan

If I were to move on from here in a year time or so,I might be heading for such directions.
Events/marketing related.
Social work related.

I cant stand clerical work for long.
I am not too fond of figures and am not statisfied with figure target.
To me such targets are always to the benefits of the hiring anyway.

A year or so seems like a good timing anyway.

Anyway anyway...

Time to sleep.

Life seems so hard to figure ..anyway.

A number of thoughts are on my mind this moment.
I wish I have time on my side.
Or rather I wish it to fasten up a lil.

Time to move on...Hurry up.

And on 23rd July 06..One Sweet Day

I must be getting too free on this Monday.

!And I am not complaining!

Jason seems to be getting better and better with personalised gifts.
The only problem is that I have not much space to put them all already.
Ha.

So he asked if I want a big cup,flowers or bear?
I thought I could do away with the cup and I have the biggest pooh ever, I chose flowers.

But sweet boo gave them all nonetheless. It pays not to be greedy. ;p





He took me to SPCA.^^

I say..Poor doggies.


We took photos.
Just a sneak preview for you first.

He designed only one photo while I did the rest=D

After the movie (Now & Forever. I didnt know what I am watching till the show starts. No wonder he kept on humming that korean phrase..does it means 'I love you?'. A rather sad,typical Korean show.), we had Ramen!

Ok I had ramen.

This looks like a good deal.

He had Bento set.

This how you SHOULD eat a California roll!In a mouth!My fav!


My spicy (and really spicy) pork Ramen. He is much happier with his Bento-someone who cant take spice.

Dunno why I liked wrapping gifts in food wrapper/box.Maybe I'm good at recycling and even better at being lazy.
My gift was not as personalized but no less creative, I think.Haha.

Say whose prettier?

HAWHAWHAW.
Jason just looks so funnily cute sometimes.

His subtle ways of telling me he had enough.(of photo shoots.)

Fine.

His only designed photo.

Just concentrate on the face!-__-

I wondered why he looked so girlish in photos like these?




That's it,pple.

Time flies but again..We are loving it.

Staying home or not?

I had been hearing how bad it is for women to turn to stay at home mums and how it is always much better to come out to work.

To certain extend, I cant help but to agree too.

But when working can be so sickening, I wonder where could go wrong with stay at home mums?
To be honest, I wish my mum can be a stay at home mum for good.
That is if our family could do with that.

And really if the man could afford it, I see no reason to slog under frustrations outside?
Sounds unfair but call it nature's calling.
(Thankfully that there is man and man is known to do the hard work by RIGHT.)

And really when I see how gr8 a life that his 4th aunt leads with an adorable daughter, why not?
But I guess that only helps when you have adorable children and fun siblingS to hang out with during weekend and so.

I heard of your neighbourhood mums saying that it is their ambition to stay home and look after the family well?

My say?

If you cant climb to the top, why not stay home...if you can afford?

Life's only this L-o-n-g.

-_-

Ditto?

Call me a coward, I dont care much.
The thought of taking "urgent" leave in the name of any well fed reason/excuse lingered on my head since 6am before I decides finally after 45 mins later to execute it.

Dad's not working today too so it rather peaceful and warm(figuratively speaking) @ home.

I cant decide enough how much I thought coming out to work aint the life I seek. Like anyone's really seeking for that kinda life.
I long for a job that is more mild and less aggressive. It is mentally torturing to face such ugly faces all day long and they exist almost everywhere that spells corporate.

Time after time, I thought of leaving.
But sometimes the 'human' factor of here and the having no notion of what's next, and too early to leave makes me think twice about that thought.

Is life here so predictable and stereotypical?
Can't we just do something more?Or the problem just lies with us?

I tried very hard to motivate myself @ work.But it all combusted to nothing but mere frustrations and boredom.

I lies at the point whereby I fear one wrong move could mark regret all over the face and it is possibly irreversible.

I hate to think and admit that sometimes with a lil' more money on hand as back up, it is much easier to risk cos' you still fall back on mattress if you fall.

Anyway...
I know that no matter what 'plans' that B-O-S-S has on hands for me, I dont care.
She is much getting on my nerves with every passing day.
Or rather on our nerves.

So I thought...this December should be the final month I'm here till I serve notice and farewell.

Shite!

3 years..it's a long time coming

I was randomly reading some old mails some months back and find myself quite a poet at times.
Juliet could be put to shame if I vie for Romeo's affection.

Much to exaggeration but nonetheless...I shall leave my companion of the 3rd year with this.

"At least I'm glad that I have met one guy who is willing to love me despite the troubles and pain i have given him. We may not be MFEO, we may not be the ideal partners at all.He may not be the kinda guy i will even fall for and he may not be the guy who took my world away ....But he built another world for me.
Even if one day,by any circumstances or twist of fate, i have to leave the world he built for me. Was i glad that someone let me stay in one world i never thought i have the chance to..:)"


Happy 3rd year,Jason.

It's 1095th (and a month more) day.

Never give in to temptations!

One lesson taught well but hard to practice.

After a pack of instant cereal, I start my housechores.
I wondered how long has it been since a thorough cleaning was done within this house.
Look at how BLACK the water is after I mopped the floors.
I blamed that on my two good for nutting brothers.
I swore it over and over again that if my son(s) (& husband) never pinch in for housework, I am so gonna kick their arses!

After a good bath, I was hungry and ready for a satisfying meal.
I begun with a pack of instant bee hoon.
When I saw how pathetic little that pack of bee hoon is, I decided to throw in another pack.
It's just bee hoon, not noodles. Surely it shouldnt pose any problems for me.

Yea right!
I looked at the really PATHETIC dry bee hoon now, I feel like throwing out.
Maybe the trick is to add in more water.
Spontaneity requries some brain sometimes.

I wasted a pack of beehoon and added more work to my stomach.

I'm gonna spend the rest of the day pampering myself.

DIY mask and use the foot spa massager I got for mum on her bday.

Not to mention the load of laundry there waiting to be fold and iron.

I'm so glad that I chose to meet Jason on Friday night.
It makes Friday feels even better.

Looking forward for a good rest at home tomorrow and be the ugly cinderella.

Looking more forward to Sunday.

We are counting down.
You & I Both.

Another one of those days

Days like these are unavoidable.I know I come across worse days so today is not that bad,I guess.
Somehow it just aint that smooth for everyone else too.

I hate to say that my stomach aint feeling very great now.
Shouldnt really eat just now.
-_-*

Anyway...Hang on guys.
Tomorrow is Friday!!

Ah...it felt as if my intestines are in knots.

The Lake House

I'm so gonna watch this!!
Sandra Bullock & Keanu Reeves cant go wrong. They left the best memories together with SPEED.
Without the thrill this time round,we are gonna go gaga with the extra added romance.

I have never watch any show that tale about love between 2 eras.
I know there is one such good show previously. Was it Serendipity???Anyway I didnt watch that cos' I aint much of a fan for literature,especially English ones.
Anyway this time I am gonna go soppy about that.

I wasnt really interested till I read this month's Cleo magazine where they have this interview with Sandra & Keanu.
Not very interested in the interview but when I read that one is in 1994,the other in 1996,I am somewhat hooked.

Too many horrors and actions lately.
Let's bite into some romance.

To tell you the truth...

There could be so many words I would 'spit' it out on your "face" if I hadn't try to swallow them in.
The words erupt from my heart but I had stuck them in my throat.
I knew that these words once spoken, would be so ugly,so hurtful and perhaps unfair.
Spoken from a selfish gal.

I almost said,

"I didnt think we could connect beyond superficiality. I am so sorry for being a brat and not putting my (bad) emotions in control. But I am hating the fact that you are now telling me to do so.

First & foremost, I do understand how pain in the ass it could be for tolerating a person like me.And I couldnt understand myself why I couldnt just learn to be more understanding and less selfish cos' I'm sorry that I always put my emotions and feelings in priority.

Let's talk about handling bad emotions. Fuck it.
I used to think that it is only but normal for certain persons if not everyone to have layers of feelings. The one you see outside is often not the one you expect beneath.
Be in control. I hate to say but fuck it.
I would like to think that I am not abusing anyone. At times I am just tired,sincerely tired. It could be physically tired but perhaps most of the time tired of the boredom. Whichever way that you or me deem it to be. And I get bored, I slipped back to the me within. Maybe once or twice I would hint subtly that it is very boring or it aint no fun. But when nothing could be done, I dont expect myself to hehehe the rest of the way.
When tired of boredom comes,physically tired rubs in and I am not hurling it out cos' it could very possibly worsen the situation and then I would be abusing you with my truely bad mood. So when I keep quiet, I am already controling my temper. What more do you want of me!If I dont keep quiet, you are gonna expect worse of me.If I hadnt keep quiet when I am in a foul mood, we would not be coming close to where we are!

I blame it on the size of Singapore that heavily of the places we could seek fun and freshness.But please...I need romance! Going to Sungei Buloh and 'hike' aint any Sherlock's idea. Especially when I already told you that I am tired, I swore.Ok,you could blame me for being a spoiler cos I could tell what's coming out next and what's gonna be surprise turns out predictable. Dont ask me to think!Dont ask me to think!!If I am gonna decide what's romantic and what's not and AM able to predict what's the next surprise gonna be, please...lemme be a guy or GAY next time!Solve the trouble and ease the woes.

Which brings me to the first sentence. I almost wanna tell you that sometimes I just dont feel the connectivity between us and it frustrates me more when you talk about the future in the midst of it.That doesnt pass off as being romantic but somewhat scary.I dont even know,baby.

I know the truth. I know even till now that you are still the one loving me more. I am still in doubts at times like this. I dont even know how to tell you one day that if I dont know if I feel the way you do for me.Am I just loving you loving me? In an angle, it's not wrong but in another, it couldnt be more of a mistake.

It is annoying me that even coming to 3 years, I am still feeling this way. Could it be a contributing reason that I behaved the way that I do and treated you that way when I am feeling lousy cos' the 'connection' aint there?

I almost wanna ask you if you still remember what you promised me in the beginning? All those emails when we always wrote to each other. All those doubts that you answered. Do you still remember and would still promise?

Ironically I feel myself returning to where I was when we first started or have I even move from there in the first place?Such thoughts are seemly taboo and so scary. But sometimes I thought to help me, to help us, I have to think about all these again.

All along...I've met guys who stole my heart, guys who could really connect with me, guys who wanted me, guys whom I wanted...and I truely wish that one day you could be that only guy. And when I thought we are getting closer to that, bad things just happened and when the disconnection is realised, suddenly all that is like a mirage.

I am sorry that I tend to concentrate more all the bad stuff. I tried remembering all the good things but it is not helping when the things you are telling me is not what I wish to hear. Or rather what I wanna see doesnt appear.

I am not expecting anything. But I am just sorry that I do not know that you are simply not very good at romancing which is a vital need for me OR simply it just dont connect that way. I dont wanna keep emphasizing on that most of the time cos I know you will felt being pressurized of 'performing' something when really romance eludes from the simple things we do.

I asked am I being demanding or I dont love you enough to feel appreciative. Trust me, it is a question that I would not like to answer and an answer you would not like to listen. Either way it doesnt feel nice and it only adds on to our insecurities.

And when all these words slip back from my throat,I wanna cool down. I know that I am at fault for being such a brat but again I am getting a lil' tired when you keep telling me that you are unhappy too but swallowed it all for the sake of mine. I am gonna use what you said that once or twice, it is fine and makes me think. Too many times, I dun feel a pinch of regret.
It is not as if I aint aware of that.I know! I am not an insensitive person and more of over sensitive at times.
When I hear that too many times,I dont feel sorry!
I am just gonna say that indeed I am 100% grateful and thankful for bring such a patient boyfriend. I know it but again that is 2 different entities from how my twirled emotions inside.

One second I am feeling so sorry and wishing so badly to be the gal you wanna see.
Another second I am getting annoyed from what you wanna see and it is presenting to me that you wish not to accept the other side of me which happen to be bad and ugly.
And then I am angry when everything is like so 'sian', it is almost DUE to my moodiness and not even a lil of the way if anything that could make me happy (inturn making you happy too) is seem.
Just because one or two things didnt goes according to agenda, it does not mean EVERYTHING is ruined!And when I become sulky, fuck it is a result of MY mood.

I dunno man. When you keep saying that you take it as it is your fault, do you really think it is so and then not make it happen again?

I just say it takes 2 hands to clap. I admit pretty much that I am at fault and I hope you understand what I need too and not just saying that taking it as your mistakes, sounding like taking sacrifies for big salvage projects.

I am starting to realise that when I am really not very enthusiastic lately when you are so keen to spend time with your relatives and involved me. I love the aunties and the kids. But I know you are just enjoying yourself more with them than with me lately. I hope you recalled how I looked last Sunday. Tell me if my smile was a facade or from the heart. I have no reason to be 'jealous' of that 5 year old cos I adore her too much but again...I wish you spend that much of attention and effort to make me smile like her.And hope you realised that I am NOT her. Catching a plushie seems fun but I am 22 for goodness sake. Spending that so many a dollars to catch a small doll, I would rather you buy it from Minitoons and give it to me outta the sudden without any reason. See..such lil seemly sweet thing would means nothing to me once I said it out and then you do it.Do I have to open a class to teach?

I know the more I said, the more demanding I would appear to you people.
Oh what do you understand? And whenyou want me to tell you face to face, you know I cant. I can only relate how I really feel to those who connect with me from the heart.

And the most fucking thing is that when I put it through words after everything...it seems so meaningless.
Cos' I recalled nothing ever change (yet)."

We don’t even talk anymore
And we don’t even know what we argue about
Don’t even say I love you no more’c
ause saying how we feel is no longer allowed
Some people will work things out
And some just don’t know how to change

Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry
We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don’t do it baby

Now they can see the tears in our eyes
But we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts
Well maybe that’s a pain we can’t hide’
cause everybody knows that we’re both torn apart
Why do we hurt each other
Why do we push love away

-Boyz II Men

Project Runway:(A)Pout like the Starrrrr(ensure no wars tag along)

Dear readers,(machiam there are a million)

Today I am gonna show you how to pose for the camera using one of the fatal accessories of Retro-city.
-Big Shades

Big frame shades are one of those accessories that could make you looking so darn cool or looking blind.
Be careful of the frame you choose and the design.
Make sure you doesnt pass off like aWeilian wannabe. (No offense but I mean no harm.I was a fan of his during the Project Superstar days. Just when the hype went off, I am fan of nobody. Not even if you think I am just a Kelly Poon lookalike. I will slap the next person who try telling me that.)

With no more delay...Let me show you the poses.
You may attempt them but dont expect to pass off as me.
I got the flair for camera posing and I love it.
If you dont enjoy art of Narcissism,skip this.

--------*********************To Stardom********************-------------------

This is how I look on normal.With no exact touchup.



So if you have those kinda big retro shades, you could experiment posing in any of the manners below.
Warning:Dont hurt your eyes.

(I thought of leaving a lil caption on the bottom of each photo but darn,forget that. It's too exhausting lah. So I give you the access on every single shots(almost) to those photos)































(My fav few are those pouting my lips and make the kissing expression.But I shall show you my favourite one in the last one)























































Just as you get sick...you are lucky..I am leaving you with my favourite pic.


;p